My Adult Views

I walked blindly down a road that seemed to me as if it would go on for miles. Just walking, bumping into strangers, with my head looking down, looking at the concrete that my footsteps resounded from. I've never been this depressed in a while. I've never wanted to cry so bad in my life, but my tears dried up long ago. If I would have never met you, I wouldn't be reminiscing on all these painful memories.

It was a while ago when I first laid eyes on her. 5'4 with a beautiful body and mind. She creatively explained her ideas to the teacher while I would listen to her nostalgic voice. Whenever she would turn around or face the opposite direction of me, I would just stare at her. Everything about her peeked my interest. In those few minutes, her hearts lay in her hands. She was my dream girl and my soul mate and although this was a one sided love, I had a feeling she would feel the same about me eventually.

I was never really good at dating women, but somehow I got the confidence to strike up a conversation. A simple hi or what's up and she immediately gave me her full attention. We had chemistry and I could feel it in my gut. She would laugh and I would laugh and there were no awkward pauses, yet my heart was beating faster then lightning. How I wish I could just embrace her right on the spot, then whisper three simple words, but I kept those fantasy's inside. We then said our farewells and headed for different buses.

I popped in my mp3 earphones and cranked up the volume real high. I felt really good about today but also uneasy. Something in my gut told me to go back to that spot but I shook it off and continued to listen to my RnB.

The next day, I arrived at school excited. She was in my fist period class. I waited and waited for her to enter the room so I could strike up a conversation. When she did, it left me in shock. Apparently she got jumped by 3 men who sexually harassed her. Bruises covered her face but she put on a smile anyways. I ran to her and asked her if she was alright while hugging her.

After that day, we've been fairly close with each other. Actually, we were dating. But a few months into the relationship she cheated on me. After that I've never been interested in dating women ever again. Once I found out that when you devote your whole entire world to the person things just come crumbling down. That's why I try to stay away from deep relationships and dating women. It seems so pointless now. All I have left are these stupid memories that will scar me for my entire life. I don't think I'll ever be dating women again..